Thursday, 17 May 2012

True Reflection

As individuals we sometimes cast doubt on ourselves, in our abilities and on our appearances. Despite being assured that we are most likely delusional to have such doubts, we still cling to our insecurities and refuse to let go.

We judge ourselves before we are criticized by others and this lessens our self confidence.

This is a way of saying it is okay to believe in ourselves and recognize that we are all beautiful in our own way, despite what anyone might say.

True Reflection

The shining surface with a blinding light
Struggles to echo what’s perceived in your mind
Trying to show the truth behind those judging eyes
But thoughts clouded the truth and you see the lies
Beauty unseen, ugliness is what you choose to believe
But just turn around, if only you could see what I see

You twist and twirl according to what you think they need
Stressing the surface to give you the image conceived
Mind play tricks but yours is the master,
And fails to show the beauty that you perpetually run after
It always there, my eyes can’t help but feast,
On the irrevocable splendor, if you could only see through me

Reflections are hard the mirror told me so
The truth can’t be told if we believe we already know
Stop looking at the surface it strongly differs you see
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, just ask me
Your smile, those eyes, such wonder in one being
Just turn around, if only you could see what I see

Ask me a question, I’ll tell you no lies
You are so beautiful, there’s nothing more to decide
Don’t let the world’s perception dampen your confidence and pride
Love who you are as much as I love you
Don’t wear out the mirror, questioning who are the fairest few
You are so beautiful to me, now do you see the way I do
                                                                        Sherika Harris

Is choosing to live single the equivalent of living a lonely and boring life?

Many people at this moment cannot imagine their lives without that special someone. They have become so accustomed to he/she being around that the single life is unimaginable and undesirable to them.

In this day an age it’s not archaic to decide not to enter a relationship. Neither is it abnormal, it’s all up to choices. Sometimes the choice to refrain from relationships is fueled by past hurt, while sometimes it’s just a chance to reflect on life or to find ourselves.

Though some of us are enjoying the companionship in a relationship and take the ups and downs with stride, it isn’t a crime if someone chooses not to.

However, those who are living the single life by choice will definitely point out that their choice to not be in a relationship, doesn’t mean they are lonely. They are still happy individuals who are comfortable with their lives as is and occasionally go out and have fun with friends. Their life still has fulfillment despite not having someone specific on an intimate level to share it with.

Why choose single life

Being single can be viewed as a means of empowerment, the act of being you and surviving on your own without having to rely on anyone for emotional support. Their actions and choices are carried out without having to take into consideration another person’s choices or feelings in order to come to a decision. Persons may choose to be single and are comfortable with it for the following reasons:

  1. Choosing to be single is by no means a life sentence of loneliness and boredom. Persons who choose this can still experience a happy and fulfilled life.

  1. Single individuals draw fulfillment from friends, family and by indulging in activities that interest them.

  1. Some consider relationship as bondage and as such indulge in the freedom of being on their own, living the single life and interacting with people socially.

  1. Being single is sometimes also considered as just a break from the intimacy of relationship and so this route is chosen for an indefinite period of time until they choose otherwise.

  1. There are also instances when individuals consider themselves to be too busy to function in a relationship and live their lives through these activities, seeing relationship as not an area they want to explore in their lives right now. They consider relationship as a future endeavour and choose not to change it to a present practice.

Relationships can be fun

Living the single life by choice is a common practice in society and in no way clashes with the persons who choose to be in relationships.

It’s highly unlikely that single people (by choice) are nostalgic about relationships. I am not saying that single people will never decide to be in a relationship, just pointing out that in their lives and by their choice, it is not an option at the moment.

Relationships can be fun; the joy of having that one persons that you feel connected to that offers comfort and seem to understand you, but not everyone feel the need to have someone in there life for that purpose. Some are happy and content as they are and truthfully it is entirely up to them.

Single life by choice doesn’t mean boredom and loneliness, it’s an individual’s decision on how they want to live their lives and there is nothing wrong with that.

What’s your take?

Monday, 14 May 2012

In the eye of the beholder

The Perception of Beauty

Everyone’s definition of beauty is specific and unique to that individual’s attraction to a person, thing or place.

What a person visualizes on site and recognize as a beautiful specimen may not be your view or society’s idea of what beauty is suppose to look like, but that doesn’t negate the fact that it is beautiful.

A beautiful human being to me is a mixture of not just outside appearance but an exceptional moral quality that far exceeds the outside appearance. I believe that a person’s physical appearance despite polish, sophistication or stature does not epitomize beauty, but their personality shines light on what beauty is.

It isn’t wrong to appreciate something or someone that you recognize as a beautiful individual, even when some may not share your view, because hasn’t it been said that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What you see, feel and believe is beautiful isn’t wrong because it is not a view shared by all, so hold on to the rare beauties that you have been able to witness in your lifetime.

It isn’t anyone else’s place to tell you that what you see couldn’t possibly be true.

What makes you feel beautiful?

We all have our quirks that we believe makes us look our best at times. Maybe it’s a specific attire or how our hair is styled, but we all identify an aspect of ourselves that stand out more than the other and to us emphasizes our beauty. 

Think about that question and remember a specific moment when you felt like the most beautiful or handsome person. Remember that time when you knew you looked good and couldn’t stop smiling. Those are the rare moments that allow you to see the beauty that has always been there but you failed to notice it until a change of clothes, a hair cut or new sense of style that you dub as a “make over”, happened.

The truth is new clothes, hair styles or make up, only dress the raw beauty that was already present. It only takes someone with that specific perception of what beauty is to see through all that coverage to the individual beauty that is present in everyone.

We were all made beautiful, whether we grew and developed personalities that overshadowed that, its present somewhere. It’s up to you to believe it.

However, we all have our days when beautiful isn’t what we would use to describe ourselves, but just because we don’t see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t there.

Beauty comes in all forms, shapes, sizes and colours.  It shouldn’t be standardized or generalized, it just is. It can only be defined by the view of the person whose site manages to capture it.

Don’t question your beauty just because some may not notice it, the beauty shines from within you and the true reflection remains to be seen.

Thursday, 10 May 2012

Expectations vs Passion, Happiness and True Success

At a young age our curiosity towards everything is peaked and we are driven by the need to find out everything and experience it. From this inquisition about life, ambitions are discovered and through ambition our professional aspirations are determined. We learn to love and develop a passion for a particular activity that shapes into the ideal job we yearn to pursue as we become adults.

Sometimes these ambitions are as unrealistic as the dream to become superman in the future or some other profession born from hero worship, but these ambitions can also be quite realistic and develop into futuristic dreams. However, we all know that most times what we dream about and what we become in our adult lives are two different things.

The question is; are these choices regarding our future decisions driven by passion or expectations? 

Thrilled by your passion yet obligated to expectations

With passion we are driven by the love we have for whatever we do, which brings a sense of satisfaction to us as individuals. We work hard at our respective professions despite its challenges, because there is a specific delight in fulfilling our duties. Its completion fills us with a level of accomplishment which is a direct hit in our pursuit of happiness and success.

We smile at our accomplishments, get disappointed when we don’t quite attain what we set out to do, but continue despite these disappointments because it’s what we love. Our highs and lows are taken with stride as passion is the driving force in our plight, but this is not always the case. These dreams can be railroaded by the dreaded need to meet expectations, rather than striving to be accepted for who we are and what we want.

 Expectations on other hand, are standards set and are expected to be followed. It is usually driven by our fear of disappointing others and fueled by our constant need to be accepted. This stigma commonly practiced has lead to these questions being asked;

  • What is so wrong with pursuing what we want? 
  • Who are we if not ourselves? 
  • What is the purpose of meeting these expectations if we aren’t happy or fulfilled in the end? 
The truth  is that there is nothing wrong with pursuing your dreams, being ourselves is the only thing we should be and meeting expectations is meaningless without fulfillment in the end.

Your Happiness vs Expectation

It is understandable that the fear of failure in the eyes of those you are trying to please is real, but if they care about you as much as they say, then they should be more concerned about your happiness than demanding you live up to certain expectations or traditions. They should be more inclined to see you happy but in most cases the obligation to expectation seems more important.

Concentrating on expectation rather than exploring your passion will only lead to a life of regret on your part. I am sure you want to look back on your life and smile at all the things you have done, rather than focus on the things you let go of due to meeting expectations. It shouldn’t take the feeling of regret for you to realise that pursuing the things you are passionate about is more fulfilling than the obligation.

Self Acceptance, the key to true happiness

Your purpose in life will never be found if you are following the path of others instead of your own.  Gaining acceptance in life can only be accomplished when you first accept yourself. After this, then you can give the world a go at your personality, not the expected one but your own. What you feel, want or need, shouldn’t be subdued to fit into the beliefs and expectations of others.

Through self acceptance we learn to love and accept ourselves as we are and let it be known that we are not willing to sacrifice our true happiness to fulfill expectations.

 I am not sure about everyone but I believe that money and stature gained through your expected profession might seem like grand accomplishments at first, but it does not fill the void that is present due to lack of happiness.

The act of pretending to be someone you’re not due to expectations is not healthy and can lead to self destruction. In fact you lose so much of yourself in this continuous pretention that you miss out on true success, true happiness, fulfillment and peace of mind. All these things are worth more than meeting expectations.

Being you and doing your heart’s desire shouldn’t be looked upon as a crime or denial of bringing honour to your parentage. It doesn’t mean that you are not grateful or lessen how much you care. In the end you and your needs are also important, your passion should be explored and your happiness has to be a priority.

 So simply, be you, do your best and love yourself as u are, because exploring what your passionate about exceeds meeting expectations.

Monday, 7 May 2012

You are what you wear..Or are you?

In this modern time I believe that people should be free to wear what they want without the criticism or being labeled, regarding their choice of clothing. However, what I believe and the norm are two different things.

“The clothes make the man/woman”, isn’t just an offhanded comment, it is literally practiced in society, where a person’s character is judged or determined based on their attire.

People should be free to wear whatever makes them comfortable, whether it’s a close fitted dress, a suit or plain jeans and t-shirt.

I do realize that there is a time and place for everything, therefore for certain venues a dress code is definite. However, your interpretation of your style into that dress code is your choice. Whether people think it’s too bright, short or loose fitted, if it’s what makes you comfortable, then wear it.

Clothes are sometimes used to determine wealth, personality and the character of a person. It’s a pity some people don’t realize how ineffective that is most times.

The very person who is dressed in the latest fashion and walk around with an air of authority, which is sometimes attributed with wealth, can be in that very moment, mentally calculating how to pay the next bill. Who knows, they might have been coming from an interview that require that sort of dress and it’s the only one they had.

Short or tight fitting clothes are not indications of promiscuity or bad character, despite some perceptions. There are a number of reasons why people dress the way they do and despite the fact that it’s their choice, there are a lot of ways to explain their reasons, psychologically and otherwise, but I won’t get into that.

I am not saying or condoning people walking around in underwear or practically naked, because we can all agree that there are some things we rather not see, but people shouldn’t be judge based on what they wear.

A man may walk around in clothes that some might not consider as ideal attire but who are you to decide that. Just because his clothes may be baggy or not as tailored as some would like, doesn’t make them any less of a person or diminish their importance in society.

Clothes aren’t a direct indication of wealth, criminality or promiscuity. The most effective way to find out about a person is through getting to know them and if society allows a person’s appearance to be the defining factor on whether to try to understand a person, then we will forever be ignorant. It comes as quite a surprise to some people when they actually take the time to get to know an individual, rather than relying on their first judgment based on sight. Many times the personality is totally different than what the clothes perceive.

On the other hand, there have been instances when the person literally wear there personality on the outside, but those instances cannot be used to generalize everyone because not everyone is like that.

It is unfair to the unsuspecting individuals who are denied or criticized based on how they dress.

I have always been a fan of self expression and whether you are puzzled or annoyed by a person’s attire, it is and always will be their choice.

Quit judging overall, whether it’s by appearance or otherwise. What is worn doesn’t necessarily define a person; the most important thing is who they are inside.

Saturday, 5 May 2012

"Its not what it looks like".

Is it a coincidence or is it reflex that causes this expression to be the number one line expressed when things are exactly the way they look?

Men and woman get caught in compromising positions all the time. I am sure you have heard stories. The intruders are usually family members which is downright embarrassing for some people or  in most cases, the other half of the monogamous relationship that you are suppose to have, but that miraculously fled your mind. I am referring to its use in the last scenario.

“It’s not what it looks like”, is a useless effort to weaken the intensity of the betrayal of cheating.

To all who have used it; I am sure you know it doesn’t work. The question is; why did you say it in the first place?

 Saying that when you get caught, only intensifies the anger of your “other half”. This is so because in most cases it’s so obvious what is going on and to imply something else is being interpreted as saying that whoever caught you is just plain stupid or stupid enough to believe it is not what it looks like.

People, it is not very original, clich├ęd is what it is. Cheating is no doubt wrong but we all know it happens. Before you think of cheating, you can try the “cheater’s prayer”. Who knows, it might work, or not.

The reality is that no matter what you say after you get caught; it doesn't undo what you did. It will not erase the sight that was stumbled upon; neither does it lessen the pain. It is not necessary to say, “It’s not what it looks like”, when you are guilty of the obvious, but it’s still common regardless.

This statement isn't specific to anyone. Race, class or genders are not a factor, though some would disagree on the gender angle, but that’s a whole other argument to tackle.

The fact is, I don’t understand it. It’s like lying when the truth is right in front of you. The evidence is stacked up against you, physical evidence, literally. The picture is painted, you’re on exhibition, just give it up already. Accept it, you’re wrong and it doesn’t matter what explanation comes after the statement, it is definitely exactly what it looks like. 

It is too late for a cover up on your part, the ball has left your court and if for some reason you still crave the monogamy you just broke, then don’t say that (Its not what it looks like).

Keep in mind the fact that whatever you say may not help you out of the hole you’re in, so saying it’s not what it looks like, may be the reverse of a ladder out. Closure will not happen in that moment. Emotions are high and rage may be a factor, so worse case scenario, you might need to run, fast.

Violence is not the answer though, just saying.

The way you are perceived in these situations are based solely on sight and in this case, seeing is definitely believing.

Whatever your thoughts are on the statement; I think it’s most likely an expression formed from a reflex reaction, a blank mind due to shock or just plain arrogance.  Yes, some people do believe that “its not what it looks like”, is their get away card and also believe its their first line of persuasion in a foolproof plan to gain the upper hand and talk their way out of the issue. Frankly I am not sure if that belief has any merit because I don’t see it.

The reason for the statement is beyond me, the point is non-existent, at least to me and looks are deceiving but the only deception that will be recognized will be that you were caught in that situation. There is no in between, it is what it is.

Its not what it looks like, it’s my views, my thoughts, my voice.